Lol ok so

u remember that this weird water dude tried to drown everyone rite

then a weird forest lady was like LONELY or wte and forced the town into an impromptu tea party

that one almost got to u, rite? the forest take over was on the news

yeah, the tea made me so sick. my mom thought i’d been drinking (which… i was but like, how was i supposed to know that the stuff was so strong? That’s not MY fault)

actually i think that’s part of why she made me go to my aunt’s in jersey (JERSEY, tiff. 🤮🤮)

(ew, i know. who even lives in jersey? nyc should just claim it and call it a day)

my aunt mabel, that’s who. but anyway, yeah. i saw the forest thing. that’s crazy.

ok, but did u get the video of the shrimp? bc brock fitzgerald lost his sunglasses and i was not expecting to see one of those losers wearing them

so, u leave and im like, u know, DEVASTATED, but the towns basically on fire

yeah, i made a tiktok, did you not see it? i forget who sent me the video. i can’t believe i missed all that.

it gets so much better

we think weve got a break and then boom. she takes over the computers. shes basically the internet (i hope she had to see that lady talking about balls like the rest of us) which means we cant text or anything. and then the rivers-- do you remember them?

the forest lady took over the internet? she really can’t stand to be alone with her thoughts, can she? self-reflect, much?

but yeah, i remember them. blonde and all a little spooky, right?

my bad, no, our town big bad. shes apparently everywhere and nowhere but like...idk how shes into the cams and stuff. like, take a break. vape a little. so all the adults are running around forming groups to keep track of everyone and the sisters come up with a plan to keep everyone trustworthy in the loop so that like … if we cant use our phones at least we can alert each other where we are and wte

that is a major invasion of privacy. what a tool. i still think she really just is petty because no one wants to be her friend. like, get a life and stop trying to steal ours, you know?

what’s the thing they did to make sure everyone was in the loop? or…. is she still watching the internet? can you not say?

oh no lol homegirl is ded

like more dead than lil nas x in that vid bc she is for sure burning for all the ppl she murdered

anyway.

they came up with like a little thing to hold onto at first that like lit up. but they eventually figured out how to link everyone and use it to alert for meetings and stuff

oh that’s dope af. how do i get my hands on one of those?

i will hook u up bb

but wait, how’d you kill her? was it like that movie where the lawnmower guy became the internet? did you fry her with tmi?

u set traps for ppl with egos and wait for them to walk into them, duh

the bigger they are, the harder they go splat.

its like that time brock thought he was hot shit and mr. petrovski caught him being a grade a asshole and he was suspended for a week

poor guy. it isn’t his fault he’ll never be lewis. (how is the loml, btw? do you think he missed me? like, was he sulking around more than normal? he kept staring at me before i left. like, longingly.)

suz, his face just looks like that. he was probably thinking about if clouds are some kind of dragon or something. but maybe deep, deep down inside, he does miss you

(i did hack his fb and insta and his phone, but so far, there’s nothing about you of note)

😔😔😔 he’ll realize we’re meant to be some day. i just hope it’s before i’ve been snatched up by some less hot person.

im js that u could do so much better

it is impossible to do better than him. have you SEEN how soulful his eyes are? and he has beautiful hands.

okay, but are you saying that you merked this crazy lady? was this before or after shrimpocalypse?

ok lol sry

so there were two times with the shrimp but the second time was with all those zombie animals

then like… someone else died and we were like ‘oh no! not again!’ we formed groups to keep eyes out since u cant trust anyone or anything on the internet

damn, another person died??? i guess maybe my mom was right to send me away. it was really that bad out there?

oh like so many ppl died

but we never really...got to grieve them bc it was like bam! another one’s dead

i didn’t realize it had got that serious… i guess that that weird pamphlet about counseling in the school paperwork makes sense when you think about that…

anyway, we got tipped off to some ppl working for her and were like ‘omg, tell us what u know’

like they came to you, or like you caught them?

sry, we caught them. like, we knew they werent legit so we trapped them and some ppl used truth or waterboarded them idk, some stuff i wasn’t allowed to know

my brother says its bc my brain is still growing, like whatever

but then we knew more about her and how to stop her so we could put a plan in motion

which was good bc apparently her thing was earl grey tea and we totally tricked her with some that was tainted which made it easier to track her in the future

like she was still mega hard to find but when ur limited on who actually buys that tea, u can like definitely figure out how to find where they live

bianca wanted to petition her to stop, how dumb is that? like, who writes a PETITION to a MURDERER?!

i can’t decide if i’m more hung up on the fact you caught this wackadoo because she likes TEA or that bianca wanted to write a strongly worded letter to her.

prob the tea thing, because that does sound like something bi would come up with.

i also don’t get why you needed to track her. did you not just… know what she looked like?

bc we never saw her

either she was invis or had some magic that blocked us from seeing her idk. she had people working for her, but the tea was the key to it

once we knew who she was we could track her down and like try to catch her

which was the plan but she was v strong and she plowed through a whole bunch of ppl before she dropped some scalding tea online

did u know that: mx. yavasupai has like 14 kids

and mr. wilkinson is totally poly

oh and rae kitton apparently had a boob job

bc i didn’t until lady psycho lost her shit on everyone and tried to turn us all against each other for like the fourth time

why tf would that make anyone care? like, if i have to choose between being pissed at a LITERAL MURDERER or someone who has never heard of birth control…….

she used those things to try and like, distract everyone? or was that just like a final fu to everyone? like, ‘if i’m going down i’m taking you bitches with me’ kinda thing?

please tell me it didn’t work. please, tiff. don’t tell me the people in this town were dumb enough to get caught up in dumb gossip when people were DYING.

it’s like...divide and conquer

bc u tell ppl shit about other ppl and they squabble while the bad guy starts hoofing it

some friendships were lost that day, but i think the hockey team will be fine this year. garrett moved anyway

garrett was always a whiny baby. i’m not surprised he ran off.

… i say like i was here too, but i WOULD have been! it wasn’t my choice to be in new jersey. i’ve never seen hair so stiff in my life. i would have rather been here.

okay so, while shes packing her shit to move i guess for better real estate in boston, we figured out where she lived and the coven put out an insane spell around the town like

we are talking ‘movie awesome’ level powers

like a containment spell?

yeah! like that

like she steps outside and sees someone willing to give their allegiance to her (we like...baited her with someone who couldnt die bc we have to be safe and etc, do you remember dove michaud?)

but then!

it

wasnt

her

……..

que?

one of her lackeys pretended to be her. i guess she realized the tea was weird so we caught the wrong person which was totally bogus.

and for like a whole week everyone was just very bummed and like mean to each other bc they thought they had her

this lady was really doing THE MOST to ruin everyone's fun lmao

then a week goes by. nothing

two weeks. nothing

two months later and still nothing. everyone is panicking bc like a murderer doesnt just disappear

then bam, she kills again and we’re all like so tired of this ish bc get a hobby or something, its boring now, shes more predictable than daytime tv

okay but like srsly a day job, god

ooooh girl

i just got an alert about a new sale and u are not gonna be disappointed

the shoes are buy 1 get 1

tiff you can't swerve from MURDER to shoes omg.

…

but like how long is the sale bc i get home saturday?

until the 21st i think

u need these flats for that dress u bought last week

o m g the boots

o damn, u rite

!!!!!

anyway

we set another trap for her and dove michaud gets stabbed but like this time they teleport to some basement or something

this lady

they lose her in the basement

oh btw when she stabs dove (who is totes fine) it teleports bc they changed the enchantment on the tokens everyone is carrying so like if u get hurt u are teleported to someone who can fix u

she is invis or idk

she's so creepy, of COURSE she can be invisible

they dont know where she went

but she cant get out

they have her creepy knife so they break it like in aladdin thinking her power is gone or wte but nothing happens

like super anticlimactic

so she's trapped in a basement? did she get stabbed too, or did just dove teleport? or is the teleporting possible without being stabbed?

no dove got stabbed bc little miss psycho was trying to steal her magic

but dove like heals or wte

o u know

i bet i could smuggle u back to ag like… with one of those tokens

ill have to dm eden

no u dont need stabbed to teleport lmao

i was about to say…. pls don’t stab me. it’s not that important. i’ll be back in a few days.

this feels like one of those riddles like, there is a man in a locked room hanging with nothing underneath him but a puddle of water or w/e.

basically

but are u ready for the best part

i was BORN ready

hit me

do u remember hank zimmerman’s mom

she like… isnt affected by magic at all

so she walks straight into the basement, sees this lady perched on a counter biding her time, and asks her what the fck shes doing in the house

the coven realizes that they dont have to kill this lady but they can bind her magic or something idk

i think its like that episode in avatar where they like...take away bending

that is rad af. take that, firelord ozai/lady with too much time on her hands.

so they get all this stuff together and then strip her of magic in the basement

there are patrols and camp outs and all these ppl waiting to make sure its done

she tries super hard to use her magic and theres nothing left so lol shes screwed

i feel like for her that’s a better punishment than death. if ur all about magic and then you don’t have any?

not chill

they turned her over to the police for holding

but THEN

the next day, they found her dead in her cell

lmao nevermind i guess.

apparently, this monster she used to puppet broke into the police station, ripped her head off, and galloped back into the woods

karma is a bitch, baby. don’t mess around with monsters unless you want your head removed from your shoulders, damn.

so like……

dont go in the woods alone ok

no kidding….

but the murder lady is dead, which must be why my mom is cool with me coming back.

lol looks like everything is going to be golden

other than the monsters in the woods and the fact that the entire town has magic they barely understand 👍👍👍

u can take ur shot at lewis this yr lol

maybe magic can solve the distance between u

*gasp*

ur so rite

everything is coming up susie.